Thanksgiving 2015

I need to write.  I know that.  And I can go on for hours in a email.  But put a blank screen in front of me and say, “WRITE!” and I go blank.  When I was in the Army, I started to write a story, but I didn’t get very far.  I was trying to write a sort of autobiography.

I tried to write a blog about being a Christian girl in a BDSM world.  ROFL.  My two years of stupidity.  I was peri-menopausal and horny. And STUPID.  I was lucky to escape with my health and life intact.

For the last 21 years I have wasted my time.  My counselor says, “No, you went through what God WANTED you to go through.

I remember begging God to tell me what he wanted me to do with my life.  He was VERY quiet about it. I wasn’t praying enough or paying enough attention, I suppose, or maybe not spending enough time talking with Him, okay in prayer.

I found listening to people meaningful for decades. The result of my tests senior year of high school showed PT.  I didn’t think I could handle the memorization of anatomy… I gave up before I started and studied something much more difficult. Chemistry.

Why not Psychology? At Oberlin, the reserve readings they had to do intimidated me.  And I could only do chemistry under the effects of adrenaline.

So many wasted years.

And now here I am, a fucking millionaire and alone…  I miss my Mom. Normally, I’d go see here in less than a month… My heart hurts.

So, I’m watching the 2004 film rendition of Phantom of the Opera, just because Gerard Butler’s character of the Phantom and I have so much in common.