Irish. Black Hair. Blue eyes. Straight. 50’s. Rock climber? Swimmer? Triathlete? I don’t know.
This man haunts my thoughts. I had a dream, a few weeks before my Mom died. I was sure this man was Christ and I tried and tried to find him: dark brown hair, beard, red plaid shirt. Right before I woke up, I got a hug and it was the happiest I’ve every been, even after I woke up, for days.
I’ve had one dream about him, but he was in his twenties. At the time I was obsessed with the movie ‘Harold and Maude.’ So, that’s where the straight hair came from, but the blue eyes? Daddy? No. Daddy’s eyes, I saw right before he died, are identical to mine.I thought they were blue, blue, blue like Mama’s.
Was that Sascha? I don’t know. I just know I’m obsessed. I’ve tried doing Google searches, but it’s kind of fruitless because how do you look for that man? I briefly tried on a dating site. It was fruitless and I decided I wouldn’t do THAT again.
So, I started thinking about getting out into the real world again. And I began to think about a plan to get in shape and clean up the house and get back on a daytime schedule. But I knew that if I just started, I’d quit. I didn’t really set a date. I talked, well wrote, with Marci (Nemtzow) and Paul (Moriarty). I talked about diet and exercise.
I thought about strength training and Spartan races and somehow got obsessed with the actor Gerard Butler in ‘Phantom of the Opera’. And so I started thinking about Scottish men as he described them. Large: big hands, wide shoulders, deep voices. And then I became obsessed with the man, but tried really really hard not to get a crush on him because that is just fruitless.
So, I decided to write about him. And this is day one. I figure, can’t hurt. Maybe he’ll find me? Maybe he’s been thinking about a girl named Tania or Tati, or Tatiana…