Day 12? 13? 14? I don’t know.

I miss my Mom.  It has become clear what a bunch of heartless bastards my “friends” and “family” are. I understand why God allows this: so I will be able to relate to people with the same pain, but still, I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry, which I do an awful lot of.

How could I possibly believe that losing Duffy and Cappy would be harder than losing my Mom? How could I have known that my Brothers would turn into heartless bastards?

Sascha, where you? All I want is a hug: a big bear hug from a big guy so I can cry in your arms… It says in the Bible that God will give us the desires of our hearts. Last time I got that, he got sick and turned on me.  I can’t go through that again, not without Mom.  I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than go through that pain without Mom.

My heart hurts.

Sascha, where are you?

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